Sunday, December 15, 2013

Forever Single?

I don't get it. 

I'm the only one out of my group of friends that has never had a boyfriend. 

Ever since I came to College, I thought that I would meet a guy that I liked or even have a good guy friend. 
But nope, I don't even have any guy friends nor any interested suitors. 

Just for once in my life I don't want to be the third wheel. That's all I'm asking for. The third wheel is a special role. At all times you feel as if you are intruding on a conversation, especially if they start to cuddle and kiss each other. I cannot absolutely stand being around that.  

I'm just hoping and praying that when the right guy does come around, hopefully soon, it makes up for the  years I have spent being single.  

But as of right now, I am forever single.




    "Once, in a dry season, I wrote in large letters across two pages of a notebook that innocence ends when one is stripped of the delusion that one likes oneself. Although now, some years later, I marvel that a mind on the outs with itself should have nonetheless made painstaking record of its every tremor, I recall with embarrassing clarity the flavor of those particular ashes. It was a matter of misplaced self-respect.

    I had not been elected to Phi Beta Kappa. This failure could scarcely have been more predictable or less ambiguous (I simply did not have the grades), but I was unnerved by it; I had somehow thought myself a kind of academic Raskolnikov, curiously exempt from the cause-effect relationships which hampered others. Although even the humorless nineteen-year-old that I was must have recognized that the situation lacked real tragic stature, the day that I did not make Phi Beta Kappa nonetheless marked the end of something, and innocence may well be the word for it. I lost the conviction that lights would always turn green for me, the pleasant certainty that those rather passive virtues which had won me approval as a child automatically guaranteed me not only Phi Beta Kappa keys but happiness, honor, and the love of a good man; lost a certain touching faith in the totem power of good manners, clean hair, and proved competence on the Stanford-Binet scale. To such doubtful amulets had my self-respect been pinned, and I faced myself that day with the nonplussed apprehension of someone who has come across a vampire and has no crucifix at hand..."